Somewhere in all of this,
i'm supposed to find happiness.
Or love.
Or excitement.
Or some emotion like that.

Somewhere in all of this,
i'm supposed to be sure of myself.
And find myself.
And find some sort of self confidence.

Somewhere in all of this,
i'm supposed to learn
that i don't need to change my clothes
six times in the morning
just to impress people.
Or lose weight,
just to feel beautiful.
Somewhere in all of this,
I'm supposed to stop looking for happiness
and let it find me.
Or something like that.

Somewhere in all of this,
i'm supposed to fucking know
what i'm doing.
Some how.
For some reason.

But i can't.
And i hate it.





I thought things were okay.
I think they still might be,
but i need to find a balance
before everything starts to get messy again.
If it's not already too late.

With autumn,
comes a new me.

I've started group therapy.
I'm saving
for when i move away to Scotland next year.
I'm falling for a boy-- fast.
I'm hurting
often,
but it's making me feel alive.

Things are all over the place,
but it seems kind of right.

I guess this is living.




I'm autumning for you.

I told myself i wouldn't fall for anyone.
I told myself i was done.
Because i've been hurt too many times.

But then you came along.
You came along and changed my mind.
And now i don't know what to do.
Because i'm falling for you.
Fast.

You're so amazing,
i'm at a loss for words.

But that other boy,

The boy who broke my best friend's heart,
has lost a lot of my respect.

Thanks for leading us all on.

This boy is amazing.

You're so easy to get along with
and to understand.
Yet you're so complex in the fact that,
you always seem to know what to do
and say.
You always know how to make me smile.
The way you hold me in your sleep is perfect,
the way you kiss me on the nose is wonderful.
The way you hold my waste and tell me i'm gorgeous
is breath taking.
I don't know how you make me feel this comfortable,
but i'm not complaining.
You're exactly what i needed.

To think that we hit it off so well
just out of chance
makes me so happy.