Rest in Peace, Nicky Spano.

Dear Sophie,
My condolences go out to you and your family.

I can honestly say that you truly are the nicest, most kind-hearted person i have ever met, and you do not deserve this pain.
I don't know you as well as i'd like to, but i can already call you a good friend, and i hate seeing you like this.
I know losing someone is not easy, but just try to remember that he is no longer in pain. I've lost several close people in my life, but i cannot imagine the pain of losing someone as close as a brother.
He was young--only 12-- and had so much life left to live, but believe me when i say that i'm sure you made his short life beautiful, and one worth living. He could not have had a better sister--and role model-- to look up to.

Keep your chin up, sweetie. I know it's easier said than done, but i will always be here for you to help you through it all.


Stay strong, Spano family.

May Nicky Spano rest in peace. He was such a strong and beautiful boy.
January 29th, 2009.

From then, to now.

I don't want you to see me like this.
I'm not the person you once knew.
I'm not the person you spent that weekend with in August.

I know i need your help.
I know i need you both to find my sanity again.
But i don't know if i'm ready.

Honestly, i can't wait to see you.
I can't wait to hug both of you, and spend time with you.
But i don't know if you should see me like this.

I'm worn down and tired.
I'm a lot different than i was the last time i saw you both.

The truth is--
i'm embarassed by my state.
I want to get better.
I want to see the sun again,
but i don't know if want that now.



I'm just afraid you'll see me, and forget who i used to be.

I still want you to come.
I still want to spend time with you and show you what it's like here.

I guess i'm just afraid that i'm stuck like this.
So please, when you come here, unstick me.

I honestly don't miss this night at all.
I'm ready to see bigger and better things with you.
And soon, i think i'll be ready for you to help me move on.

I'll build you back up.

I think
that behind all the beer cans,
and empty bottles,
we'll still be able to pick up where we left off.
I think we'll still be able to laugh and joke like we used to.

I think the alcohol will help,
but i think we can do it.


It's been so long since we've seen eachother,
but i'm almost afraid to see you.
I'm almost afraid to see what he's done to you.
I'm afraid you won't be the person i said goodbye to so many months ago.
I'm afraid you won't still be the crazy girl i once spent so much time with.
I'm afraid i've lost you.
But i'm not afraid to fight for you.


I want it back the way it used to be.
I can see the way he's broken you down,
i can hear it in your voice when we talk on the phone.
I can see it in your photos.

He broke you down,
like a tower of cards,
like a fucking car crash.
He broke you down,
like a torn picture,
like a broken mirror.
A piece of your there, a piece of you here.
He scattered you,
like you didn't ever matter to anyone else.

He broke you down,
but he's not expecting me to come in,
and build you back up.
Build you back up to how you used to be.


I'm not letting this slide.
I know you want it, and need it.
I know it hurts you.

I'll go to the ends of the earth for you...
just so i can see you truly happy again

You make me smile.

"She's a silhouette in the sunset, and we just can't get enough of her."

Martine Joelle Vallieres:

You've got something that no one else has.
You've got the bluest eyes, and the biggest heart.

You've always got the right words, the right timing, and the right solutions.
You listen when i need to talk, talk when i need to listen,

and stay quiet when it's just the right thing to do.
You've got something,

that makes me love you more each time i talk to you.
You can always make me feel better,

you can always make me laugh.
You're an artist, a creator, an eye-opener.
You're beautiful, inside and out.
You go on adventures with me,

you take naps with me.
You're always there for me.

I've found what i've been looking for.
I've found the best friend i could ever ask for.
I don't know what i did to deserve someone like you.

Someone who stays by my side, through thick and thin.
I don't know what makes you want to stay here with me, while i'm like this.

But i thank you for every second of it.
I love you infinately, Martybear.
Forever and ever and always, no matter what.

You're the best one of the best ones.

Jamison “Jake” Mackenzie Dunlop:

You have my heart, and i can't imagine a day that you won't.

I love you with every ounce of my being.

When I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you.

You’re my last thought before I go to bed, and my first thought when I wake up.

When I see you, I light up inside.

When I hear your voice, I smile.

You hold me when I cry.
You listen to me rant.

You make me laugh like no one else.

I love how I can act like a huge idiot around you,
and how you do the same thing right back.

I love how you kiss me on the nose.
I love how some days, you’ll just grab my hand and pull me away from everyone
when you just want to be with me.

I love how you write me notes.

I love how you made a movie list with me,
and how you watch them with me in our pajamas.

(Someday, we’ll get through all of them—I swear.)

I love how you hold me,
and how you always listen to what I have to say.

I love drinking tea with you,
and just lying with you for hours on end talking about everything.

I love sneaking up to the top of your house with you,
and just sitting there in the dark in your arms.

I love how you let me take pictures of you.

I love you go on pointless adventures with me,
and have late night phone conversations with me.

I love how you let me sleep at your house,
and how you hold me all through the night.

I love everything about you, Jake.

I love you to bits, and don’t ever forget that.

"I'll always be by your side, even when you're down and out"

I'm not sure why i'm like this.

Lately i've been feeling lost, and i'm not sure why.

I've got an amazing boyfriend,

I've got beautiful friends.
I've got everything i should need to be happy,

but for some reason,

i'm not happy.


I keep telling myself,

move forward.

But for some reason, i can't.
I'm stuck here,

in this rut i'm supposed to call my

"best years".
I don't really know what to do,

because honestly,

i don't know who i am,

and it's scaring me.
I'm lost,

and waiting to be found.

"brb.....finding myself"

(Please let me know if you find me. I'm missing who i used to be)