Dear AJ,

You're the best little brother i could ever have asked for.
I'm pretty lucky this way, since i didn't already have one from birth. I've been graced with the choice of picking a little kickass companion to have by my side. I couldn't be happier to have chosen you.
You're one of the greatest people i've ever met. A truly wonderful person with brains, humour, and a good heart.
You always make me laugh, and you're always, always, always there when i need to cry. You know how to listen, and you know how to make me feel better.
You've got something that not many people have. So don't ever, ever, lose that.
You're one of the greatest, Fultinator. Don't ever change<3.

I think i'm more scared than i've ever been.

Fuck this, fuck that.

Fuck it.
Fuck drugs,
fuck alcohol,
fuck caring,
fuck giving and giving and giving,
and not getting anything back.
Fuck the people who tell you they care,
i'm waiting for the ones who show me they do.
Fuck the people who hurt me,
fuck the false hopes,
fuck lies,
fuck everything that's ever hurt me.
Fuck not being near you,
fuck wanting to see you,
and not being able to.
Fuck sad stories,
shitty days,
and not knowing what to do.
Fuck the bad taste he left in your mouth,
fuck not having money,
fuck wishing you were here.
Fuck those songs that always make me cry,
fuck that dress i wore,
fuck replaying unfortunate events in your head,
over and over and over.
Fuck putting up with it all and not knowing why.
Fuck this,
fuck that.
Fuck being somewhere you hate,
fuck all the bad memories.
Fuck the ones who make me cry,
fuck arguing,
fuck tears,
fuck not knowing what to do..
never knowing what to do.

Fuck it all.
Let's just run away.

Colten William Lavallee.

The only thing that's making me smile right now is knowing that we're friends again.
I'm so happy to have you back in my life,
but i need to see you put some effort into being my friend.

I miss you so much.
I miss our photography adventures,
picnics with you,
long days of talking about anything end everything,
drinking with you,
running around causing disruptions,
acting like idiots,
laughing for hours on end,
lying with you in the sun,
eating Subway with you,
dancing stupid with you,
hiding out with you in bathrooms,
random downtown adventures,
your running/jumping hugs,
late night phone calls for hours and hours,
stealing cookies with you,
always running into you when i happen to need you the most
and fighting with you, for you, and along side you, for the past 3 years.

You are one of my favourite people ever, Colten,
and i can't wait to see you on Tuesday.
Our beach day will be amazing<3



Please, don't let me down.
You mean the world to me.

<3TMNM

“Good morning, beautiful”.
Waking up beside you couldn’t have made me smile more.
I missed you,
And I loved you the whole time.
I can’t wait to spend another summer with you,
I can’t wait to hold your hand again.
I can’t wait to see how the way we’ve grown as individuals will help our relationship.
I can’t wait to be with you,
And hold you.
But above all,
I can’t wait for you to get better.
So please, get better soon<3.

Want, want, want.

I want to live in a quiet place where nothing bothers me anymore.
And i want you, you, you, you, you, and you to be there.
Just us, no one else.
I want wine glasses, candles, and poetry.
I want to say how i feel and feel what i want.
I want a dark room,
and pretty polaroids all over the walls.
I want corn muffins, tea, vegeterian sushi, and grapefruit juice.
I want to live in a place
where nothing bothers me.
I want to live in a place where i can smile more than i cry.
I want blankets, a fire place, and antique furniture.
I want endless books, records, photographs, and watercolours.
I want guitars, pianos, a song to sing, and someone to sing along with.
I want all this,

and i want the power to make it all happen.

Please don't hurt her the way you hurt me.









(I NEVER GOT OVER IT, I JUST GOT USED TO IT)