Lately

Lately all i want to do
is curl up in bed,
listen to music,
read,
write,
sing,
play piano,
take photos,
and cry.

I don't feel like doing anything but that.
I want to hibernate.

I fucking hate all of this.
















I wish.

What would i do without you?

I wish I could do something to change all this.
I wish I could take away the chemo.
I wish I could make it so your hair would never fall out.
I wish I could make your breathing troubles go away.
I wish you didn’t have to get all sorts of needles.
I wish you didn’t have to spend so much time in the hospital.

I wish this could just all go away.
I wish you could get better.

You really are all I ever think about.
And I don’t think that will ever change,
cancer or no cancer—
you’re always on my mind.



I love you, get better soon.

I love Brett Harding.

This means so, so, so much to me:

You are the one I put a wing over when it showers. Dance with you when it rains. Hold you when you shed a tear on my shoulder. The one I vowed to never let down. The one who I can look in the eye and know something is amiss but, I hold back knowing you will tell me when you are ready. You are someone I can talk to. I know I may seem to be failing you at times but, I would like you to know this. You will always have a place not only in my heart but also in my soul. Have my ears so that your words never fall of deaf ears. My eyes showing you that you have my attention and a gate way into me. My body so that it may protect you from harm, holds you and carries you through whatever comes your way. May my words make you smile when you are down and offer you guidance when you are in need. You have all of these already including my love and more. I care for you and wish I could have been there all the times you where in need. You are my sister and I will be beside you in body and in soul to be with you through good times and bad. <3 lol
-Brett



I love you, thank you so much.

I'll never make it without you.

Why am i still in love with you?
This is the worst timing. Ever.

I want to be there for you and i want to help you,





but what if you don't make it through?
I'll never make it without you.


Stay strong, i love you.

Lymphoma.

Fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer
fuck cancer.


No matter how many times i say it, it won't change anything.
But i just can't stop worrying about you.
I love you so much,
and always, always, always will.
I've called you my best friend and my boyfriend,
on-and-off for three years.
And today, you still mean just as much to me.
You've faught for me so many times,
and you've held my hand through some of the hardest times of my life.
I'm not going to let a person as wonderful as you slip away.
I love you for the amazing person you are,
so please fight hard.
You've got so many people here for you,
and so many people rooting for you.


I promise to lay with you on your hospital bed,
and hold you tight when you need someone.
I will be there for you through thick and thin,
and go on crazy adventures with you,
and stand by your side.
I will keep you the wonderful, amazing, normal Thomas that you are.
I don't want you to forget who you are,
so stay strong, and hold on tight.

Don't give up the fight Thomas,
my world just wouldn't be the same without you.




I've been waiting so long for these words to come out,
it's practically all ive been thinking about.
So thank you for finding the words i couldnt find on my own,
now im not alone.


Don't let that smile fade, boy.

Remebering the "good ol' days"

I can't believe how much things have changed over the past year or so.

Up until last summer, we were all inseperable. We spent every day together in a huge group of friends who loved eachother more than words could ever discribe, even if we tried to deny it.
Now the whole crew has drifted apart and gone their seperate ways. For some reason, i think was naive enough to think that this would never happen. But now i'm just trying to mend all the broken promises, and trying to get all of our paths to meet up again.
But know that won't happen.
I know things will never be as perfect as they used to be.




The times i miss the most:

Time is like the ocean.

These are such beautiful lyrics.
They fill me with so many different emotions. I love them so much, i felt the need to share them:


If I could bottle up the sea breeze I would take it over to your house
And pour it loose through your garden
So the hinges on your windows would rust and colour
Like the boats pulled up on the sand for the summer
And your sweet clean clothes would go stiff on the line
And there’d be sand in your pockets and nothing on your mind

But every year it gets a little bit harder
To get back to the feeling of when we were fifteen
And we could jump in the river upstream
And let the current carry us to the beginning where
The river met the sea again
And all our days were a sun-drenched haze
While the salt spray crusted on the window panes

We should be living like we lived that summer
I wanna live like we live in the summer

And I’ll remember that summer as the right one
The storms made the pavement steam like a kettle
And our first goodbye always seemed like hours
In the car park in between my house and yours
And if the summer holds a song we might sing forever
Then the winter holds a bite we’d never felt before

But time is like the ocean
You can only hold a little in your hands
So swim before we’re broken
Before our bones become
Black coral on the sand


-The Summer, by Josh Pyke.